Random Bullshit spewed out by the dude known as Sixxisgod--
College Student, Underage Alcoholic, Kicker of Pugs, Bukowski Reader, Hater of Dave-Matthews-fan-wannabe-hippie-motherfucker College Students, Hater of People who actually say the words "Playa Hater", Titty Enthusiast and Music Listen To-er.
All right then, lets get to it eh? First off, for any pug fans out there, yes I have been known to actually kick the little bastards. Sorry, but my girlfriend has 3 of the yappin, bug-eyed motherfuckers and one of em once bit my German wired-hair pointer right on the dick. That bears repeating: ON THE DICK. Shit, could you imagine those gnashing, underbit little jaws snapping down on your pecker? Fucking painful! So its not like the ugly little fuckers don’t deserve a Doc Marten to the flank occasionally. And if you happen to be a Dave Matthews fan wannabe hippie college student, fucking leave. Now. Seriously. There’s gotta be a hacky-sack tournament or some shit you can go to.
Anyway, I guess they didn’t find any WMD in Iraq. To that I say bullshit, there’s a fucking ton of WMD there, I believe they're called ARABS. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exactly think invading Iraq was the best course of action, but something had to be done and.....you know what, fuck this. Politics will not be discussed today or ever in this column, even though I know you KNAC'ers love to bitch at each other for hours on end over the subject. My brain is too sluggish from a hangover to discuss such a heavy subject anyway. Speaking of hangovers beer is always a good topic, so here goes...
Beers You Should Definitely Try:
Guinness: Ireland's greatest contribution to the world. A bit pricey, but definitely worth it.
Rogue: Weird microbrewery beers that come in all kinds of different flavors. For those that like a sweeter taste there’s the Hazelnut Brown Nectar and the Honey Oat Ale, which actually has more of a grapefruit flavor than a honey flavor. If ya like regular beers there’s the shit, I forgot the names, but there’s some good ones that aren’t very dark or sweet. But for those that prefer their beer to be more akin to tar than liquid, there’s some fucking great dark beers. The Shakespeare Stout is my personal favorite, the Chocolate Stout is also pretty good. As is the Mocha Porter and the Imperial Stout, which is some kinda fucked-up Russian recipe. The only one from Rogue that I don’t particularly care for is one called the Crustacean something-or-rather, which is made with sea water. All in all a great brand of beers, even if they are five bucks a tall boy.
Sierra Nevada: They have a good, flavorful pale ale and really good porter. Their seasonal shit is pretty good too. The winter ale is darker than Dimmu Borgir and has a 6.9% alcohol content, so ya can get drunk quick and really regret it in the morning.
Sam Adams: Cant go wrong with this shit. Their seasonal stout is fucking awesome. Well, I'm tired of writing about beer, and you’re probably tired of reading about it. So what say we move on to some cds that I've been listening to lately.
CD'S:
Clutch; Slow Hole to China: Basically ya either like these guys or you really dislike em. I happen to think they kick ass, and so does this disc. Plus it has a chorus in one song that goes "I don’t know if I'm coming or going, if its them or me. But one things for certain Willie Nelson only smokes killer weed." Lyrics about Willie Nelson smokin’ dope are cool, so that is definitely a plus. And if you don’t like lyrics about Willie Nelson smokin’ dope, fuck off.
Spirit Caravan; Elusive Truth: Older release from Wino and co. Some people don’t like Wino's voice and I could see why, but I still think this cd is cool.
Spiritual Beggars; On Fire: I know what you’re thinkin‘, "How many fuckin bands with the word 'spirit' in their names does this jackass listen to?" Two, all right? And so should you. These guys are a good heavy rock band with catchy shit and what forth, so, yeah.
Johnny Cash; The Man Comes Around: Oh man, I'll probably catch all kinds of shit for this one, but if you cant respect the bad-assness of this dead dude, you were probably kicked in the head numerous times when you were a child. You’re all probably sick of "Hurt" by now, as am I, but there’s other good tunes on here. Especially "Sam Hall" which goes "My name it is Sam Hall and I hate you one and all, and I hate you one and all, damn your eyes!" Angry old fuckers are cool, so that’s a plus. I saw Fizzgig mention that "I'm so Lonesome I Could Cry" was the best country song ever, and that song is on here. So check it out. Or don't. Its not metal, but its good, trust me.
Colonel Parker; Rock n Roll Music: This band is comprised of Gilby Clarke, Muddy (who used to be in LA Guns), Slim Jim Phantom ( who was in the Stray Cats or some shit), and Teddy Zigzag (who has probably been in all number of bands but I cant remember a damn one). The name of the cd basically says it all, this is just good rock music. They cover the New York Dolls song "Pills", which is a great ode to sex and opiates, so they gotta be pretty cool.
High on Fire; Surrounded By Thieves: Almost death metal sounding vocals be damned, these guys still kick ass. I hear they’re a Christian band, but don’t worry, you find any videos with the singer in a Jesus pose on a mountain top from these guys. Nor will you find any annoying ass "With Aaarrrms wide OOOpaaann" choruses and other shit like that. Just heavy, heavy metal, and that is what the world needs right now. Yep, fuck the cure for cancer and forget about world hunger. We need some goddamn metal!
Oh hell. Lets move on to some cds that aren’t that good, or just plain suck, shall we?
Iggy Pop; Skull Ring: I was disappointed by this disc mainly cuz Iggy's last one, Beat ‘em Up was so fucking great. There are some pretty good songs though, and the Stooges are on there too, so that's cool. But every time I hear the song "Little Know it all" that has Sum 41 playing on it, I wanna jab a handful of sharpened pencils into my neck. Yeah, its a shitty song.
Superjoint Ritual; Lethal Dose of American Hatred: Listen goddamn it, I liked Pantera and some of these songs are ok, so all you Neanderthal, die hard Pantera dudes just relax all right? What really bugs me about this cd is the lyric in that one fuckin’ song that goes "We're not Hippies, we're Slippies, like the Manson Family." That has got to be one of the most retarded lyrics ever. (Insert lame joke about a stupid Motley lyric rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright NOW!)
Firebird; Self Titled: Decent, but I was expecting more. All the songs basically follow the same formula, which for some reason usually involves a really long jam session towards the end. Apparently these guys were in a Death Metal band, so maybe they shoulda stuck to singing about hacking limbs and killing virgins with a cactus boot and shit like that. Maybe their other cds are good though, who knows?
Danzig; 4: Wasn’t this released in 94 or sometime? Yeah, it was, but I got it about a month ago, so fuck off. Couple good songs here like "Bringer of Death", "Brand New God", and "Going Down to Die", but most of the others suck. Get "I Luciferi" or "Danzig" though, those are awesome albums. Or anything from Danzig-era Misfits kicks ass too. Yup, I just recommended some Punk music. OI!
Well, that about does it for me. Try and remember to not get pissed off about anything I wrote, its all just my worthless opinion, and I don’t really give a shit about your worthless opinion, so you shouldn’t care about mine. Major thanks goes to dday for giving me a spot on this site to post this nonsense. Also thanks to Ghost of Saint Bastard for the help and badass page design. Also, there’s probably a lot of typos and words missing in some of the sentences I wrote. Deal with it. So until next time, y'all be careful, there’s some mad cow going around. So stay away from cow spines.
